last mohican

[pre]Where have you gone, Sunshine boy? The clouds have gathered Around your once glowing face And you set, you sink, you darken. The shadows extinguish your light And I see ...

Its a good poem, fix the typos and it will be great. I like your merry-go-round metaphore

I can really relate to what you are saying. It's a well written essay and its about something that anyone can understand. Vive Thoreau!

It has good cadance. The imagery was good and I get the feeling it might be an antiwar protest. Very cool.

Your imagery is good, and the whole poem has great form; dark, yet elegant

As of yet, I have no plans to extend this story. I don't want to exhaust my characters or the story line, which I'm sure you all understand, but thank ...

[pre]On the vast edge of Nothing and Everything, two specters without form waited together. Others like them wafted along aimlessly, all waiting too. It was the Beginning that many of ...

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Actually, the meter works for me. Okay, I know I'm just the writer, but if I change those words that don't exactly fit, I feel like I'm losing some of ...

Thank you all for the criticism, its very helpful. I'd just like to explain, though, that 'Libertys' was in reference to the Statue of Liberty. I hope that dispells the ...

I was trying to say that they are blind and unfeeling tourists.

Over arid hills they come from miles away, to spend a day with cash and cameras, they meander along. Over arid hills they come. The buses stop and stay awhile, ...

I really appreciate the criticism :D I hope to have these stories published someday so it really helps. And actually, um...Memarou isn't deaf :? :shock: it just isn't very easy ...

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Thanks! I was thinking of expanding it for the story